09- When a thing becomes a crutch
Delay is not denial my friends.
The idea for this weeks post came to me via the latest edition of the 3-2-1 newsletter by James Clear.
His 1 question for this week was: How have my bad habits become a crutch I lean on? What stories do I need to let go of so I can walk freely?
Many of us, consciously or non consciously identify strongly with certain habits to the point where we find it difficult to do things that do not align with the identity we have built around these established habits. We make statements like “That’s just the way I am” but in truth, the “way you are” is likely the sum of habits you have practiced and established over time.
Take me for example. I’ve always identified as a realistic person. What that translated to in real life was that in every situation, I would focus on the worst possible outcome and either make plans to mitigate it OR (more often than not) abandon any endeavour that did not have a fairly predictable outcome. I would also complain at length about how difficult things were for me. Think Negative Nancy and Debbie Downer rolled into one.
I usually scoffed at people who were always happy and hopeful. When I referred to people as Teamloveandlight, it wasn’t always a compliment.
Now that I am a recovering pessimist and have moved over to the love and light side of things, I sometimes struggle with this new side. Sometimes I feel a little less “cool” and afraid I might be heavy on the aspire to perspire element and as one who has turned up her nose at the entire self help/motivational industry for years, this is a tad distressing.
There’s also the occasional little voice in my head that says things like who the fuck do you think you are/this is not you/stop lying. This little voice might be the reason I’m yet to complete the about page of this newsletter or publicise it properly.
I have to constantly check in with myself and remind myself that new habits and new stories are possible. My pessimism was a crutch I leaned on. Heavily. So I know it’s not going to be an easy crutch to let go of completely but I also know that I am not a pessimist, I simply practiced pessimism all my life and now I can choose a different story.
I recently came across the fascinating concept of neuroplasticity, which refers to the brain’s ability to change and adapt as a result of experience. This pleases my inner nerd greatly because if the science says it’s true then it must be.
We all have our crutches. Some we picked up as coping mechanisms. Some that are necessary for survival. Some that are completely harmless. However some of these crutches may be keeping us back from achieving our desired outcomes and those are the ones that need examining.
You may not be a morning person because that’s what you’ve told yourself for years. And maybe you don’t need to wake up super early to get through your tasks for the day. Maybe you are able to design your life such that you don’t need to wake up before noon on any given day so you can afford to not be a morning person.
On the other hand, If perhaps you have a goal to exercise more often and the most convenient time your schedule allows is in the morning, then maybe it is time to examine what makes you not a morning person. Maybe doing the things expected of a morning person can help you collect evidence that you can infact be a morning person.
Collect the evidence. Stick with your systems. Anything is possible.
This week I discovered
Chess in Slums. A non-profit organisation that uses chess to unlock the potential in underprivileged children. The founder shared a story on Twitter about a child with cerebral palsy who learned chess and I was reminded of how much good we all can do, regardless of how little we have. This is the type of work I like to support.
This week I read
The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
I’m back to my real life after the most delightful visit to Nigeria. I needed that trip more than even I realised. It was a necessary reminder of how loved I am. It was also good to experience “normal” life again, because for some reason Nigerians largely do not understand that there’s a pandemic, so it is mostly business as usual, with a few people wearing “nose masks” around their chins or fancy glass shields on their faces.
It was good to dance salsa again and hang out with my friends amongst other things. However the truth is that we are still in a pandemic. The news from India is alarming and could easily, very easily be Nigeria if we do not take the necessary precautions.
Wear your masks dears and have a kickass (remainder of the) week :)
Chioma.