13 - Do the things you have in mind
Because you really don't have forever
I’m not sure of the exact point at which it happened, but I have developed a certain sense of urgency about my life.
I think being around sick and dying people regularly might be responsible for this. When you show up for your morning rounds at 8am and the patient who was laughing and chatting with you yesterday is being wheeled out on the mortuary gurney, it kind of hits you how transient life is. I am acutely aware that tomorrow or the next minute even is not promised and this awareness is one of the things that drives me to be an active participant in this whole life thing.
This is why I make active effort try the things I like.
I go from seeing a picture or video of something I think looks interesting to finding a way to participate in that thing. Notice how I said participate and not master. With my hobbies, mastery isn’t necessarily a goal for me. I’ve been dancing salsa regularly since 2016 and while my dancing looks great on camera, I still can’t tell the difference between New York and Cali salsa styles. I just show up, learn the basic steps I need to actually move and keep moving till it looks good, while having tons of fun.
Sometimes, all you need to do is take some baby steps. Literal baby steps. What’s the smallest thing you can do to get you closer to your desired outcome.
Enter the two minute rule. Another discovery from reading Atomic Habits. The rule states that “When you start a habit, it should take less than two minutes to do.”
While I do not apply this literally, because let’s be honest, it does seem a bit silly to do something for only two minutes, the principle remains the same. Start small. When you start small, you reduce your chances of getting overwhelmed. When you start small, your small wins serve as encouragement. You have cast a vote towards the type of person you hope to be and collected evidence of an ability to show up and many times all you need is to just show up.
Last week, I had the opportunity to “play” tennis with my friend. The first time I held a tennis racket was two weeks ago when I went on a tennis lesson/date. My date was clearly distracted for obvious reasons and I didn’t get much out of the lesson, so I can’t exactly “play” tennis.
This time around, my friend gave me basic pointers on how to hold my racket and position myself properly and after a few rubbish serves, I actually started to connect my racket to the ball. This made me ecstatic and this ecstaticness drove me to “play” for much longer than I had planned. Again, “play” may not be the best way to define the very very wild serves I was making but my goal that day was - connect racket to ball- and I had achieved that and so I was happy. This happiness led to me playing for longer than I had planned and actually enjoying it.
My friend (bless her darling heart) tried her best to get me to serve with some precision and I did gradually start to get a few balls within the service box but that for me was a bonus. I had already achieved my goal and that achievement made me happy enough to not only play for longer but also try adding in an element of precision. My achievement also made me feel like if I can position myself correctly enough to connect racket to ball by lesson number 2, then Wimbledon is only a matter of more and more practice.
Because a habit first has to be established to be improved.
While the Two minute rule can feel a bit silly if/when applied literally, it is still a very great way to establish a gateway habit or a cue. That initial two minutes should serve as the foundation for your new habit and might eventually become a cue that automatically triggers your desired habit.
If you want to start running, your initial two minute step might be to put out your running gear somewhere you can see it before you go to sleep. After doing that religiously for a few weeks, you might decide to get into your workout gear while you prepare for work, and maybe one day you wake up thirty minutes earlier than usual and because you already have a ritual of putting out your workout gear before bed, and now wearing your workout clothes while getting ready for work, going for a ten minute walk may not seem as daunting. A ten minute walk might become a twenty minute walk or even a ten minute run after a few weeks. Next thing you know, you’re travelling around the world running marathons.
I know it sounds a little silly or even ridiculous to talk about going from a ten minute walk to running a marathon, or from being able to hit a tennis ball to Wimbledon, but I honestly believe that it is hard to remain terrible at something that you are doing consistently AND for your own reasons.
Starting small can sometimes feel like you’re not doing enough, but in my experience trying to do too much at once can be very overwhelming, and when you set lofty goals and are not able to reach them, the disappointment can be discouraging. However doing too much at once, is still doing. It is effort. An attempt. A teaching moment even.
Not starting at all on the other hand might be a personal disservice. There’s really no way of knowing if you can do something if you haven’t tried. Except of course you have a disability that prevents you from being able to take certain actions.
Think about something you’ve always wanted to do. Whats the smallest thing you can do to take you closer to that thing.
It can be as small as following a few instagram accounts of people with similar interests.
Or joining a facebook group.
Or a simple google search for pole dancing studios near you.
You don’t have to sign up immediately but if you know where it is then you can think about how you might travel there when you’re ready to start, or at least have an idea of the costs and if you can afford it.
Do the things you have in mind. While you’re fit and well and still have full joint mobility.
Because ELKAFT.
Here’s the instagram post from @ronwritings that inspired this weeks letter:
“do the things you have in mind
especially if you have been thinking about it for a long time
we spend too much time waiting
but what are we really waiting for?
waiting till you have a backup plan?
waiting for someone to do it with?
just simply waiting to see how it goes?
or have you been waiting for so long that you forgot what you are waiting for?
you don’t have to do it all at once.
take baby steps out.
but don’t forget to do the things that you have in mind.
don’t end up waiting in vain”
This week I am reading
The Secret Lives of Church Ladies
This week I watched
Master of None Season 3 and I quite enjoyed how they explored the topic of infertility. A harrowing journey that I do not wish on anyone.
I took advantage of the good weather this weekend and had the most delightful day out yesterday, hence the lateness of today’s letter. But the important thing is, you have it now.
It’s a new month (starting tomorrow of course) friends, we are almost at the half year mark. Go forth and DO.
Chioma.