16 - Believe in the things
Using community to build your faith muscle while doing the things
I started calling my sister Josephine when we were younger because she was such a dreamer. She had all these very grand ideas about the type of life she wanted and she truly believed that everything she wanted was possible. The fact that she attended faith based schools possibly contributed to this.
I on the other hand considered myself the realist and would even laugh at her for being a dreamer. But that never stopped the girl. She would set her mind to something and it would come to pass.
Case in point. After completing her first degree in Electrical and Electronics Engineering, getting a job in a related field was taking too long and after much convincing, my sister very reluctantly agreed to take a bank job.
On the day she started her job, or maybe even before, she gave herself an end date. The plan was to work for ONE YEAR ONLY and then travel abroad for her masters degree programme.
At this time my father had been out of work for a few years, so again, this was quite a dream. But the year elapsed and my sister handed in her resignation. I think she had received one admission letter (and it wasn’t the one she really wanted), but there was no offer of scholarship and no idea where the money for tuition and upkeep would come from.
I won’t bore you with the finer details, but she got her admission, not to her first choice, but to the best university for her chosen course, and the money appeared somehow and a little over a year later we were celebrating her masters graduation.
Now, let me be honest. I’m not a big believer. I’m more of a skeptic than anything. But more and more, I’m starting to appreciate the role our minds play in how we live our lives. A good example of this would be the placebo effect usually seen during drug trials. If a person taking a sugar pill can have the same result as a person taking the real medication, just because they believe they are receiving treatment, then surely it must mean that our beliefs can affect our outcomes.
Another interesting medical example for me is Conversion disorder.
Conversion disorder is a mental condition in which a person has blindness, paralysis, or other nervous system (neurologic) symptoms that cannot be explained by medical evaluation.The physical symptoms are thought to be an attempt to resolve the conflict the person feels inside. For example, a woman who believes it is not acceptable to have violent feelings may suddenly feel numbness in her arms after becoming so angry that she wanted to hit someone. Instead of allowing herself to have violent thoughts about hitting someone, she experiences the physical symptom of numbness in her arms.
First, wild. But really, if your mind can convince part of your brain and nervous system to stop functioning as a result of psychological stress, then it must be very powerful, No?
I was reading a book called The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg recently and I came across the story of the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous. Bill Wilson was a self proclaimed agnostic until he had an experience where he believed he was visited by God and after that he went on to never touch a drink again in his life. Instead, he dedicated the rest of his life to building Alcoholics Anonymous into the largest, most well known habit changing organisation in the world.
The skeptic part of my brain might say that his spiritual encounter could very well have been part of the hallucinations experienced by alcoholics during the withdrawal period. But it doesn’t change the fact that his belief led to a major life change.
The methods adopted by the AA program are not necessarily backed by science, but by going through the twelve steps, addicts are actually using the habit loop. They are able to identify their triggers and rewards and find replacements for the routines that encourage their drinking habit. Having daily meetings (for the first 90 days) provides a form of companionship and listening to other people who have been able to overcome something you’ve been struggling with gives you hope that maybe someday, you too might be telling a similar story. That’s where belief starts to appear.
As powerful as habit replacement is, the truth is that when we are hit by some of the shit that life sometimes throws at us, it’s very easy to not just fall off the wagon but smash it up and burn it too. Studies showed that the people who were more successful at holding on to their newly formed habits in times of adversity were those who believed in a “higher power”. Something outside of themselves that would see them through.
The third step in the program reads as follows “A decision to turn over our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand him.”
I particularly like the “as we understand him” part because I don’t believe that you have to be religious to believe in something, as evidenced by the hordes of non religious people whose lives are saved by this and other similar programs.
This realisation has shifted my outlook on certain things. I (try to) no longer focus on the negative alone. Even when bad things happen, I (try to) look for the good. I speak to myself positively and congratulate myself for the tiniest achievements.
I can tell you for a fact that it is not easy to exercise this belief muscle because sometimes it hurts more when you don’t get the thing you believed so hard for. I sat in darkness and cried for two whole days after I was rejected by the hospital I had on my vision board earlier this year. I felt I had done the work and could already see myself in my new position, so the rejection hit really hard. It took my best friend, reminding me of all the other things that were going well so far, for me to at least stop crying.
Many times though, belief by itself is not enough, even the Bible says “What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him?” James 2:14-26
No dear.
You still have to do the work.
Cutting out a picture to add to your vision board when you haven’t optimised your CV for the position you’ve applied for, is highly likely to end in tears.
Giving up your job without making alternative plans, same, tears.
One of the things I do to help strengthen my belief/faith muscle is finding community. Thanks to technology, it has become so much easier to connect with like minded people.
Chances are, whatever it is you’re interested in, a simple search on Facebook or Reddit will lead you to other people with the same interest. A few years ago, I joined a facebook group for doctors who have left/are considering leaving medical practice. Everyday, people share their stories about why they chose to leave and what the journey has been like. And with each story I feel less alone, less crazy and more assured that there is life for me outside of medicine. I am also able to pick up useful tips that helped them along their journey, and learn about opportunities I might be interested in.
I do the same thing with my hobbies. I’ve recently followed a bunch of skaters on Instagram (even though I’m yet to actually take my skates out and practice). I’m in a crocheting group on facebook, a couple of salsa whatsapp groups, and so on.
Community does not always have to be a group matter. Sometimes one person can be your community. That break out group from the main group chat can be your community. Sometimes all you need is one person to remind you that you’re doing alright and that you will be fine in the end. That’s what community is about.
I can’t tell you why some people respond positively when given a placebo drug and others don’t, neither can I explain how one person develops paralysis after experiencing a traumatic event while another person does not. But I strongly believe that our mindsets play a role in how things work out. And even on the days when I don’t believe this as strongly, I remind myself that it doesn’t hurt to try having a positive outlook because even if it doesn’t work out, I have time to be sad after, so why be miserable before.
This week I am reading
Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It. I heard the book mentioned on a very enlightening podcast I just discovered called Infinite loops. The linked episode talks about productizing value amongst many other interesting topics.
I’m looking forward to a week filled with wine and catching up with a couple of my fave ladies.
Here’s wishing you a week full of reminders that you’re actually doing very well.
Chioma.
References
https://medlineplus.gov/ency/article/000954.htm#:~:text=Conversion%20disorder%20is%20a%20mental,be%20explained%20by%20medical%20evaluation.
https://www.webmd.com/pain-management/what-is-the-placebo-effect
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=James%202%3A14-26&version=NKJV