“No" is a complete sentence.” Annie Lamont
The word “No” gets a bad rap. Understandably so, as it literally connotes the negative and nobody likes to be (publicly) associated with anything negative, not even a little two letter word, and so many of us find ourselves avoiding the word “No”, even when it is the one word that might save us.
We say yes to things for a variety of reasons.
It’s easier than saying no. We don’t like conflict. We do not want to offend our friends/family/loved ones/employers.
So we say yes and by doing so we sacrifice our precious time. Time that could be put to better use (or not). Time that we can not get back.
As a medic, I am constantly confronted with the transient nature of this thing called life and for this reason, I truly consider my time as limited and valuable. Being around sick people and watching people die regularly tends to highlight the importance of making good use of the one life that we are given.
Many of us are aware of how limited our time can be, yet we continue to give it away. Why? Because as humans, we are hard wired to desire the approval of our peers. And saying no is hardly going to endear us to people. At first.
So you say yes to a personal request from your boss and sacrifice your valuable time to someone who has now freed up their time by taking some of yours. Or you stay up late chatting to some random guy you know you’re not particularly interested in but are too polite to dismiss and then the next day you find yourself struggling to stay alert at work.
All because you’re afraid to say No.
One thing that has helped me with being able to say no to things is thinking of my time as money. Literally.
For the past three years, I have been paid according to the number of hours worked, so I know exactly how much one hour of my time is valued at. So when I find myself faced with time consuming requests that do not add to my personal bottom-line, I find it easier to decline or recuse myself.
This doesn’t mean that I say no to any and all requests. Over the past few years, I have given much thought to the things that are important to me. I have become much clearer on what my values and goals are and this clarity helps me identify the things that align with my goals and the things that do not. So when I am faced with a request or proposal, I check in with myself.
Is this thing I am about to sacrifice my time for truly worth it. Is this something I am interested in? Is this something that might come back to bite me in the ass somehow? Does this align with my values? What would I be sacrificing if I say yes to this thing?
I’ll share a recent example. I have been out of work for a couple of months at least, so I have not been receiving a salary. My only income has been from locum shifts which I pick up now and again.
Last week Monday, I got offered a shift with escalated rates. Ordinarily this would be music to my ears because this means I could potentially get paid 25-50% more than usual. However this shift was offered to me around 4pm, for an 8:45pm start time.
Typically, I do not accept night shifts after 12 noon, and my agent knows this. This is because I need to mentally as well as physically prepare myself to be on my feet for 13 hours. I need to be well rested in order to provide the best care and carry out my duties efficiently. And in a field where one error might be the difference between life and death for a patient and a potential trip to the coroner's court, I do my best to avoid situations that increase my risk of errors.
Although I stood to gain some much needed funds by taking the shift, I would also be risking my license to practice medicine by showing up to work tired. In addition, I’d be sacrificing the activities I had lined up for the next day.
So I turned down the offer.
I’ve started doing this with my habits as well. Or let’s just say trying to.
I am constantly reviewing my habits and making adjustments where necessary, to align with my current goals and beliefs. One of the reasons I removed Instagram from my home screen was because, I realised how much of my valuable time I was spending on something that I somewhat enjoyed but really wasn’t adding much value.
Speaking of Instagram, I found this helpful article on decreasing social media use (while scrolling through instagram of course).
As much as I enjoyed the mindless scrolling on instagram, the amount of time i was spending on it was taking away from other more important things.
I say was like this is all past tense, but the truth is I am still spending more time than I should be on social media. However, I have identified the problem areas and slowly but surely I am taking steps to curtail the habits that take up my precious time but do not get me any closer to my desired goals.
Knowing when to say no is easy when you know what is important to you.
If you consider family time to be important, you’re less likely to sacrifice your kids bedtime story time for after work drinks with your colleagues.
If you consider your health important, you will not feel guilty about taking every single one of your sick days, knowing that your employer will not hesitate to replace you should you become incapacitated.
Learning to say no is a habit that can save your life. It may not win you many friends at first, but as you continue to firmly decline things that are of no interest to you, people learn to leave you be and even start to respect you, while foisting their problems on other people who are less likely to say no.
This week I read
Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less. I picked it up because someone on my timeline said it was more helpful to her than Atomic Habits was. There’s a whole chapter in this book with tips on how to say no gracefully. I was going to include them in this letter but I think it is long enough already, plus now you have reason to read this very helpful book.
This week I listened to
A podcast episode with two of my faves. Thanks to Greg, I discovered that Brene Brown has a podcast and this episode is a chat between herself and Charles Duhigg, Author of The Power of Habit which is another one of my habit bibles.
"Until we can manage our time, we can manage nothing else." Peter Drucker
Here’s wishing you a week of reclaiming and repurposing your time.
Chioma