Do not seek for things to happen the way you want them to; rather, wish that what happens happen the way it happens: then you will be happy. - Epicetus The Stoic
I recently came across stoicism, thanks to my friend Ore who shared this instagram account. Today I shared a post from their page containing the above quote and my sister’s response reminded me of the story I’m now going to tell you.
After successfully completing the exams required to become licensed in the United Kingdom, it was time to apply for the license to practice. The application was a long one and required many documents to be submitted.
In November 2017, I filled out my form, submitted my documents and sat back to wait for my application to be approved. I was confident that I would have no issues, so confident that I resigned from my intermittent salary paying job in Lagos by December 2018.
Then the issues started. The first was that my IELTS had expired and I needed to retake the IELTS before my application could be considered. Thankfully I was able to register to take this and I passed on my first attempt.
Then the issues continued.
I was asked to provide several documents spanning the duration of my medical education. This turned into months of email exchanges and lots of chasing up on my end. I had to chase my university in Nigeria, the one in St Kitts and even the GMC. At one point, I was asked to withdraw my application and was sent a refund of my application fees.
While all this was going on, I had also secured a job in the UK, and was in the process of completing my pre employment requirements. They were aware of my licensing woes but were just as confident as I was in the beginning.
By February 2018, I had received the necessary documents from my new employers and I applied for a visa to move to the United Kingdom. My licensing issue was still unresolved and I was having mini anxiety attacks every time I refreshed my email. Every communication came with a new demand. It didn’t help that the emails came at random unpredictable intervals.
In April 2018, I moved to England with a job offer and no licence to practice. My days were spent in a state of constant anxiety and tears. I would open my eyes on some days and then cry myself back to sleep. Here I was, finally in the United Kingdom, with a job offer but unable to work. I also hadn’t been working since December 2018. I was poor.
I slept and woke up with thoughts of going back to Nigeria. What would people say. How would I cope mentally with such loss.
I remember my sister constantly reminding me that “What will be will be” or “God will work it out for the best”. I can not tell you how much this used to annoy me.
On the 19th of July 2018, nine months after I first applied, I got the email saying my application had been approved. I finally resumed duties in August 2018.
Lately I have been thinking a lot about “manifestation” and the different schools of thought around it. On one hand, it mostly sounds like new age BS, but how about the other hand?
I am a self confessed skeptic, so once upon a time, I’d have stopped reading two lines ago. But recent life experiences have me thinking, acting and believing different.
When I started planning to move to the United Kingdom in 2015, I didn’t think of it as something I was “manifesting”. It was something I was working towards.
I had an idea what I needed to do and with the help of my sister, I was able to draw up a step by step plan AND cost it. I typed up this plan and stuck it to a board I had hanging on my room wall. I also had mementos from past holidays on this board as well as a few other bits. The board for me was more of a notice board than a vision board, because at the time I definitely did not believe in manifesting things. The board was something to remind me of my plans.
I had completely forgotten about this board until my friend reminded me of it recently. She said “You did it, you did all the things on your vision board”. And that’s the first time I thought of it as a vision board.
Now that I am obsessively studying habits, I think of that board a bit differently.
First, It was on my wall, hanging above my bed, so it was pretty hard to miss. Looking back now, I think of the board as a visual cue, reminding me constantly of the things that I wanted/needed to do. Seeing this very obvious cue, everyday, increased my craving for the things that I wanted. Even when I had no idea how I was going to afford them.
Having a breakdown of what needed to be done was my way of doing something small towards my larger goal. Looking at my breakdown everyday, I knew exactly where I was and what was outstanding. This way I could plan better.
Breaking it down into more affordable parts made things feel less daunting. I did not know where I would find Eight hundred great British pounds to take PLAB 2, but at least I could afford the Thirty eight thousand Nigerian Nairas required to take IELTS at the time.
Succeeding in one thing, like passing my IELTS at my first attempt, was a small win that gave me encouragement to keep pushing, even when I failed PLAB 1 the first time.
Fun fact: I received notification of my failure on the 15th of July and about a week later I was shaking my ass on a yacht, literally. So while I was still (somewhat) focused on my goal, it didn’t eclipse other parts of my life.
I used my breakdown as a guide to ensure I did all the things that were required of me, and while things took a while to workout thanks to the lemons life hurled in my direction, they eventually did.
My feelings towards manifesting have since changed. I now think of manifesting as releasing your (very specific) desires into the universe, while creating reminders to keep you focused on your goals and help you do whatever work is necessary to help you achieve your desired outcome.
Yes, the work still needs to be done.
My personal belief is that help finds you when you’re doing the work, not when you’re sitting around hoping and wishing. Doing the work lets the universe know you want this thing. And then the universe can get to work lining things up. Again, this is just my personal opinion, formed by my personal experiences and those of people around me.
Another thing I believe is being specific with whatever it is you’re asking the universe for. If you want a new job then you should instruct the universe more specifically. What type of job. What salary. What bonuses. What location.
Because like anyone who wants a new job, you still have to search for one (while hoping you get head hunted by the company of your dreams). If you narrow your criteria down while searching and apply to the positions that best meet your criteria, you have increased your chances of getting the type of job you desire, as opposed to casting a much wider net and getting disappointed when you get offered positions that do not fit your dream but you still applied to anyway.
I apply this to almost everything now. I don’t always get around to writing down specifics, but I certainly hold them in my mind and look out for them. I’m also learning to turn down things that are close but no cigar.
Again, personal belief, but I believe that when we accept less than we want/deserve, we send a message to the universe that we are ready to manage. That we are not that keen on specifics and as such the universe will continue to present you with less than.
I must also mention two necessary ingredients for this to (maybe) work.
Patience and a “let go and let God” attitude. When you are certain that you have done all you can, you just have to leave it to the universe and hope for the best, believing that you deserve the best and if this thing, whatever it is, doesn’t work out, then it is not the best that you deserve.
Personally, I’m ready for more. I believe I deserve more and I’m ready to put in the required work while giving the universe specific instructions.
My skeptic brain has found a way to rationalise manifesting and I thought I’d share. Hopefully this helps you think about manifestation a little differently.
It’s not a perfect science, and there are no guarantees, and yes trying might hurt still but hey, what doesn’t.
Make a decision and the universe will align accordingly - @ronwritings
I may have manifested the flat of my dreams into reality, I just need the referencing agency to complete their checks, so I can sign my contract. I’m trying to practice what I preach here and not stress about the possibility of losing this flat, so I know exactly how hard this practice can be. Hopefully I have good news to share next week.
This week I am reading
Smarter Faster Better: The Secrets of Being Productive by Charles Duhigg. Picked this up because I heard the author talk about his new book on the podcast episode I shared last week. This book takes an in depth look at productivity. Hoping to pick up some useful tips.
I have just returned from the most delightful trip to the seaside with a few of my favourite women and that is the reason for this weeks delay. I am due to start my training position in a couple days so my life is about to get somewhat hectic. I fully intend to keep writing and might consider a less frequent schedule. Wish me luck.
Here’s wishing you a week full of random lucky happenings.
Chioma.