24 - Finding balance in the things
The importance of finding work life balance
The past couple of weeks have been busy and exciting. They have also reminded me that (clinical) medicine and I are not a forever pairing. And that medics who choose Emergency Medicine are crazy and should be avoided. Being on my feet for 12hrs is truly not my idea of fun. Give me a specialty where I can sit, please and thank you.
A couple of months ago, I gave myself a deadline to quit full time clinical practice. Five more years.
I mentioned this at a dinner party recently and somebody laughed and said to me “You’re not going to do it”, to which I replied “Watch me”.
As a recovering pessimist, I understand the thought process behind the comment.
Nobody really retires at 40, especially not doctors. After spending many years studying medicine, and then even more years of training to become a specialist, most doctors tend to stick it out till the end, and I mean, the very end. I can not tell you how many consultants I see hobbling along hospital corridors when they really should be home attending to grand babies.
One reason for this is that many of us tie our identity to our careers, and this isn’t peculiar to doctors. Many of us spend so much time focused on our careers that we don’t know who we are when we are not chasing clients and deadlines.
And this is not necessarily a choice we make consciously. I’m sure that not many of us grow up thinking, “I’m going to dedicate all my time to this job and miss out on the life I could be having outside of work and the lives of my loved ones.”
It is one of those things that just happens when we do not take the extra effort to design our lives to suit our personal aspirations, that is if we even have clarity on what our personal values and aspirations are. It takes work to become clear on what it is you want, but what is more pressing and obvious is responsibility. And so we focus on the obvious.
We (all) have responsibilities. Bills have to be paid. The kids need new uniforms. There’s another baby on the way. The difference between your gross and net income still causes you pain.
Living costs money and so we work in order to make this money. We put in overtime hours and attend networking events to meet the right people. We spend so much time at work that our colleagues replace our friends and we have limited social engagement outside of work. We miss out on important milestones in the lives of our loved ones.
We tell ourselves that we must hustle now so that one day in the future, when the money is complete, we can finally stop working and start living the lives we dream of.
While this outlook isn’t necessarily wrong, it does feel a little like hitting the pause button on this unpredictable carousel called life because how do I know that I will be alive at 65.
I personally, am more interested in finding ways to fill my life with as much enjoyment as I can, while I can. Plus I’ve spent enough time around older people to know that after a certain age, the number of physical limitations increases such that no amount of willpower will be enough to perform certain activities.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t at all worried about the financial side of things. I’m not great with numbers and have yet to work out what my expected cost of living might be and other important details, but my excitement at the limitless possibilities is greater than my worry.
If there’s one thing I know about money it is that it is a finite resource and while it is necessary, it just isn’t worth putting my life on hold for. I’ve watched people slave away for years at soul crushing jobs, only to retire and still be broke, so I know that it’s not about the number of years you put in.
My focus now is on building the right financial habits and not necessarily on watching the stacks pile up. As long as I’m able to generate enough income to keep the lights on, I know I’ll be fine.
I’ve been using the word quit instead of retire because something about the word retire sounds too ….final, like it signifies the end and in my mind, I’m not looking for an end. I just don’t want to join the ranks of people who complain endlessly about how unsatisfying their jobs are, without ever making any move to change their circumstances.
When I think about quitting full time clinical practice, I’m not thinking about long days spent in bed or drinking rum punch on a beach everyday. I think about freeing up my time to do things I want to do as opposed to things I have to do.
If I decide to run a clinic only twice a week, that gives me three weekdays that I can fill with activities that I find happy and fulfilling. I can spend time catching up with my friends and building the relationships that are important to me.
I can identify causes I align with and find ways to lend my support. I can finally start to do some really meaningful life work. And that my friends is my goal.
This is by no means an early retirement call. Far from it. Experienced seniors are invaluable in any workplace environment, as I am constantly learning.
What this might be is a suggestion to examine the things you’re sacrificing at the altar of work, and to find a balance between earning a living and actually living.
You don’t want to get to that point where you finally feel like you’re secure enough to stop working, only to find that you’ve completely missed out on the lives of the children you worked so hard to provide for, and now your phone calls are punctuated by long silences with no idea how to fill them. Or that your friends whose celebrations you missed again and again no longer bother to invite you to their celebrations. Or that now that you can finally afford your dream car, getting into it requires analgesia because your joints aren’t what they used to be.
Balance is necessary, and possible. Find balance.
This week I am reading
The Last Letter from Your Lover by Jojo Moyes. Well written fiction will always be my first love. This was a book club pick from a couple of months ago but I’ve only just gotten round to reading it and it is so well written.
I’m on my way to start a noon shift that ends at midnight because Emergency medicine is a special specialty. Pray for me.
Here’s wishing you a normal circadian rhythm, something I can only dream of for now.
Have a great week.
Chioma.
Ps: I’m late for work, so if you see any typos, just pretend they’re not there okay. T for thanks.
Nice job, Chioma. I really enjoyed that post. Finding balance is critical to finding peace.