31 - Balancing work with other life things
The danger of prioritising work over everything
A few years ago, when I used to work in a small private hospital in Lagos, we had a procurement officer who we shall call Cee. She was only one year older than me, and she called me Dr Chicken because most days my lunch consisted of roasted chicken which she could smell from her office next to the lunchroom.
Sometime around August 2017, I noticed she was absent from work due to illness. Now our employer was one of those who did not condone absence from work. If you were ill, he expected you to present yourself at work and get diagnosed and treated. And so she came back to work.
Her symptoms were very non specific. She was just tired all the time. I remember walking into her office one day to find her with her head on the desk. She looked so tired.
The next thing I remember is hearing she had found a lump in her breast. By this time we all started rallying. The necessary tests were done and I remember looking at her blood test results and wondering why her liver enzymes were off. Shortly after I found out her actual diagnosis through the office grapevine. Cancer. With liver metastases.
She started to deteriorate and was admitted to the General Hospital but the Doctors went on strike so we brought her back to us. By this time she was on oxygen because she couldn’t breathe on her own.
Thanks to the fact that she had access to so many doctors, a treatment plan was put in place and we even started raising funds for her treatment.
I remember the day she died (barely two weeks after diagnosis) very clearly. Down to the green and white dress I wore (and my favorite wig, because I don’t play with my casual Friday).
As part of her pre-treatment workup, she needed to have a scan of her heart which I helped with that morning. During the scan, I noticed she was restless. I’d seen that restlessness before. I knew she didn’t have long left. And I knew I didn’t want to be there when it happened, so I returned to my clinic duties.
I knew the minute it happened because I heard a wail. Shortly after our employer called a meeting to officially announce her passing. The sadness in the room was palpable. We were sober. There were tears.
But it was a clinic day. Patients were waiting. More were expected. So we dried our tears and went back to our duty posts.
The following day, somebody from a different department was assigned the role of procurement officer.
The pace of my life has changed drastically in the past few months. I’m currently working in the Accident & Emergency department of a rather busy government hospital and I dislike it so much that I have started wishing illness upon myself in order to have an excuse to call in sick.
While I would love to be able to earn a living doing other things which make me happy, the reality is that adulting is too damn expensive plus my visa sponsorship is literally tied to my job. This means that whether I like it or not, I have to do this job at this time.
As frustrating as it sounds, the fact is that many of us have to do jobs we don’t particularly like, in order to survive in this big capitalist world. And once you join in the rat race, it is very easy to slide into the habit of prioritising our jobs and the things related to our jobs, to the detriment of other parts of our lives.
We put work first at the expense of our health and relationships.
We cancel doctors appointments because we can’t take time off work.
We don’t show up for our loved ones because of work commitments.
We miss out on enjoying our own lives.
This happens because we have not intentionally designed a more balanced way of life. If you’re not intentional about having a full life, it is very easy to stay on the hamster wheel of work and lose sight of other important aspects of life and living.
Thankfully, I am a person who prioritises my enjoyment and well being and I try as much as possible to have a very full life outside of my job. I remind myself often that the job will carry on, with or without my presence, so it is important that I also have a life outside of my job.
This realisation has made me less scared to call in sick or request an early finish for “silly reasons” such as meeting up with my friends after work.
Some other things that help me achieve balance include:
Not making my job the biggest part of my identity. I actively avoid asking people what they do for work just so I don’t have to answer the question myself. I’m always told that I do not look like a doctor, even by my colleagues. And this to me is a great compliment, because the doctor part is only one small part of my life.
Taking breaks. Real breaks. The ones where you make it clear that you will not be responding to anything work related until after your leave.
Having friends outside of my field. While I am super grateful for my doctor friends (because who else will I rant to about my job related frustrations), I also make the effort to find people who do other things. When your colleagues make up your friend circle, you might find that you never really leave work, you just change location.
Leaving work at work. This includes but isn’t limited to things like refusing to download work related apps on my phone and not doing work related things outside of work, including “simple” things like responding to emails. When I’m off, I’m off.
Giving myself things to look forward to. Like my upcoming trip in a couple of weeks. I absolutely can not wait to get on a plane and fly somewhere that doesn’t get dark at 5pm.
I understand that not everyone is able to take certain liberties due to the nature of their particular job situation, however always remember that if you dropped dead right now, someone else will be in your chair before your body enters the ground. And that project you wanted to get out of the way before booking your leave will be completed. Without you.
This week I am reading
How Doctors Think by Jerome Groopman. This is technically academic reading because it was recommended by a supervisor, but it’s written for patients and I think it provides valuable insight to both patients and doctors.
I also read this brilliant article that says some of the things I said in todays letter from a slightly different angle.
This week I listened to
Shane interview Robert Cialdini and I was reminded that I did not finish reading Influence when I started it a few months ago. I am now trying to remedy that. Great conversation as always.
I know this letter is somewhat morbid today, but it be like that sometimes. It’s not always love and light around here.
I’m managing better than expected, all things considering, but I absolutely can not wait to get away from everything for a few days.
Here’s wishing you a good week. One where you choose your wellbeing above all else.
Chioma.