43 - Not setting timelines for the things

Because faster isn't necessarily better

I first learnt about the SMART model for goal setting when I was taking a fitness training diploma. The idea is that applying these criteria to your goal/objective ensures/increases your chances of success.

This made perfect sense to me when applied to my fitness training. If I’m planning to train for a marathon for example, it would make sense to use this SMART model to design a training plan that will keep me on track and allow me to measure my progress towards my goal of running a marathon.

The problem with this SMART model arises when we try to apply it across all aspects of life without taking into account the general unpredictability of life and the fact that in many aspects of life, you can do everything right and still not achieve your desired outcome because life just sucks like that sometimes.

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I was reminded of the SMART model this week while having the inevitable ‘when will you marry’ conversation with a well loved relative recently. We had a really interesting conversation and when we got around to the topic of goals, I was asked about my goals and what time frame I had set for myself and I said, none.

This is probably very surprising coming from an over achieving first born from a Nigerian family, but I have now lived long enough to realise that living according to timelines is pointless not for me. For starters, most of these timelines are arbitrary and trying to live up to them only leads to unnecessary pressure, frustration and sadness.

I clearly remember feeling left behind when I had to stay at home for a year after secondary school while my best friend had become an undergraduate at a private university. Same for when I would see my classmates who studied other courses and had graduated and started working while I was still studying. Today we are all adults, dealing with adult responsibilities that are not affected by our year of graduation.

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Another reason why I don’t like the idea of timelines is that they can rob you of your joy. Imagine achieving something and not celebrating because you feel like you already failed by not achieving it by x time.

Or refusing to take a necessary next step because we think it will take too much time and interfere with our pre ordained life timeline.

Like staying in an unfulfilling job or relationship because we feel like we’ve already invested too much time and can’t afford to spare the time required to start over.

There’s so much that we lose when we rush through life.

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Speaking of time and timelines, today is my 4th escapeversary. Four years since I packed up my life in Lagos and moved to the United Kingdom. It feels hard to believe that it has been four whole years already, but that’s how time works, it just keeps ticking by, regardless of what you’re doing or not doing.

The passage of time is not something any of us has any control over. We can only control what we do with our time. While setting timelines can be very helpful in certain aspects of life, I still think it is important to not to hold on to them too tightly in other life aspects.

We can’t all follow the same routes, and sometimes longer routes are more scenic, so allow yourself the longer route if need be.

This week

I had to prepare for an interview and so there was not much reading or listening. I am however pleased to share that I aced my interview and have been appointed for an exciting position starting in September. This also means my training programme will take longer than planned which I do not mind at all. That being said, in the spirit of transparency, there is one timeline I care very much about and that is the timeline to becoming a British passport holder. Long live the Queen.

Here’s wishing you a week of allowing yourself to freestyle things a bit more.

Chioma.