A few days ago, I ran into an old secondary school mate who reminded me that the festivities for our TWENTIETH secondary school reunion were coming up and I was a little surprised, the same way I sometimes get surprised when I have to tell someone my age. It really doesn’t feel like that long ago when we had to wear school uniforms and the biggest challenge was getting good grades and passing exams. Twenty whole years, that’s how long it has been.
This got me thinking about how time “flies”. It really does feel that way a lot, like time has flown past, with no idea where it went. But in truth we witness the time as it passes, every day. On the days when I’m at work, I can tell you exactly how many hours left till closing time. As I type this letter today, I’m reminded that two weeks have passed since I typed the last one, regardless of what events have or have not taken place in that span of time.
Looking back at the past twenty years since I left secondary school, so much has indeed happened. In many ways I am not the same person I was at our valedictory service that Sunday many Julys ago, wearing my white shirt and bedazzled white pants singing Pass on the torch. My life has definitely not gone in the direction that 16 year old me imagined and I think she would be slightly mortified but also super proud of almost 36 year old me.
Almost 36 year old me has managed to figure out what it is I do want, the things that make me happy and the things I have no desire to participate in. This clarity has been very important in helping me chart my current life course and for this I am super grateful.
It’s not by chance that I’ve come to this level of satisfaction with my life so far, It has taken a lot of intentional steps and hard work. It is so much easier to go along with and do the things that are expected of you, it’s harder when you decide to stop and practice a bit of selfishness in order to figure out what it is you want for yourself and to go ahead to pursue that instead. It is also worth it because when you do things for your own reasons, the satisfaction is so much greater and the struggle feels a little less painful.
It’s also hard work to look at yourself and accept what you have to work with and focus on liking yourself/ take the steps to become somebody you like and spend less time trying to fit into what you think is expected or appealing. The truth is most people do not care and you’re better positioned to find your people when you’re being your truest self.
There’s no wrong time for a life audit. Change is constant in life and it’s unfair to not allow yourself to change. Change your thoughts, ideas, goals, friends, job, whatever. One problem is that we sometimes think that changing our minds or letting go of something/someone is an admission of some type of wrong doing or failure, but it can simply be that those things or people no longer serve you in your current reality, and that’s okay too. Also constructively studying the things that you do regret can be instructive in making better choices going forward. So by all mean miss the things or people and feel all the feelings but remember that time keeps going.
The moral of the story is that years are made up of weeks, weeks are made up of days and days are made up of minutes and while the goal isn’t to account for every single one, it should be to try and fill the time with the things that are important to you because the time will pass regardless and there’s no rewind button.
This week I read
In Every Mirror She’s Black by Lola Akinmade Akerstrom - This was a book about three black women from different backgrounds who found themselves living in Sweden under different circumstances with their lives intersecting thanks to one man. The book was interesting enough to keep me coming back despite my annoyance at the poor mimicry of a Nigerian accent given to the Nigerian character in the book. ( I listened to the audio version).
Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change and Thrive in Work and Life by Susan David - I picked this one up after I listened to the author on a two part episode of the Dare to Lead podcast with Brene Brown. I like the premise of the book which is embracing all your emotions and feelings but not viewing them as facts but instead as guides which help you remain flexible and navigate life easier. It could have been much shorter because it became a bit repetitive in parts.
I’ve had the most restful weekend possible, with lots of sleep and minimal movement so I feel more human and hopefully ready to face another six day work week.
Here’s wishing you a week of treasured minutes and days.
Chioma.
P.s: Random twitter thread that didn’t make me roll my eyes too hard.