When I was younger, I had a very set idea of what adulting looked like. Based on how the adults around me acted, adulting looked like working hard so you could earn enough to sustain your family. Not getting to spend much time with said family, and only making time for things and events that were considered respectable and important, like going to church and attending family events.
It also appeared that playing and doing things solely for fun or pleasure were considered frivolous or at least unnecessary for adults.
Being the studious, overachieving child that I was, I too aspired to this even more serious phase of my life. I was that child who spent more time with her nose in a book than outside touching grass, and was praised more for getting good grades than for my random little creative forays, so I figured I would stick to what I considered my strength(s).
The adulthood that was modelled to me didn’t have room for hobbies or having fun but it was not like being a child where you had to do as you were told, and so I looked forward to the freedom to do whatever I liked make my own decisions.
It wasn’t until my twenties that I started to think differently about adulthood. At this time I was a student in a tiny caribbean island and it was with shock, awe and glee that I discovered my idea of adulthood didn’t actually apply to everyone. Instead, adulthood appeared to be whatever you chose to make of it.
You could choose to have an extended lie in on a Sunday morning. Or dye your hair orange on a whim.
You could choose to learn a new language and move to a new country. Or leave your job and go travelling around the world for six months.
Also, Ii found out that there were no age limits for fun and play and you could choose to explore a wide range of creative hobbies alongside your serious adult profession.
I realised all the rules of adulting in my head were only arbitrary and there was really no template for the journey. As a bonus, you could make up your own rules for how you want to live your life and interact with the world.
Another adulthood perk I recognised and appreciated was the increased access to options that may not have existed for you as a child. In my early adulthood, this ranged from being able to eat gizzard to travelling abroad on holiday just because.
These days it is taking advantage of better access to knowledge and learning as much as I can about the things that interest me. Seeking out people who are doing the things I’d like to do and learning from them.
Our early/childhood experiences can have lasting impact on our lives, but the beauty of adulthood is that we can choose to give ourselves new experiences, learn new things, unlearn old things and ultimately do the things that feel best for our current selves.
Adulthood also comes with a lot of responsibility. Knowing that the decisions you’re making everyday have direct consequences that you have to live with is a lot of responsibility. That said, it is still very possible to be a responsible adult and allow yourself to enjoy things. For example, I’ve just seen a pair of slide sandals I am gagging for but the current cost of living crisis means that dropping hundreds of great british pounds on a pair of shoes at the moment might not be a wise decision, so I’ll settle for a different pair of sandals that cost less while I arrange extra shifts to buy myself the one that is really entering my eye.
Hopefully you were not expecting me to suggest depriving myself of nice things. That’s not part of my personal adulting template.
Lately, my biggest perk of adulthood is all the fun and play I get to fill my life with. From dancing salsa in the park to hitting the club with my girls to exploring new counties on my own or with friends. There are so many options for fun and play as an adult. I’m also learning that play is as important for adults as it is for children because it helps us build community, improve social skills and increase creativity. And the best part of play as an adult? You’re more likely to be able to afford these expensive fun activities.
So, go out and play.
I came across this quote the other day that I liked:
Meditation teacher, Light Watkins, on acting your age:
"The advice shouldn't be to act your age. It should be to act your spirit. Your age may try to prohibit you from dancing like that, or starting over, or trying something new. But your spirit would never do such a thing. If something feels aligned, your spirit wants you to go for it, whether you're 15 or 85. Acting your age makes you fit in more, while acting your spirit will indeed cause you to stand out—in a bad way to people who act their age, but in an inspiring way to those who act their spirit. Try acting your spirit from time to time, and you can see for yourself which path makes you feel more alive."
Source: Newsletter by Light Watkins. (Hat tip to James Clear)
“We don’t stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing “ - George Bernard Shaw
This week I read
The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity by Julia Cameron. I saw a couple of mutuals talking about the morning pages routine on twitter, so I did my googles and that is how I discovered this book. It is a book of ideas/activities that help to remove creative blocks. It definitely falls into the self help category and includes some concepts that sound a little airy-fairy, but I found myself looking forward to buying the physical copy and doing some of the outlined activities.
This beautifully written non fiction story.
This week I listened to
An episode of TKP with Jim Collins titled - Relationships vs transactions. Jim Collins shares stories about his mentor Bill Lazier and the lessons he learnt from him and how they shaped his life. I loved how highly Jim spoke of his late mentor and all the things he learnt from him, including the difference between a long life and a great life and the importance of leading with trust. I listened twice. That’s how good it was.
The past two weeks have been a lot. I had an episode of spontaneously dissolving into tears of frustration at work one day and another day I received a prize for being the friendliest and most proactive member of my training cohort. I was super chuffed to be recognised at all, especially for being friendly. As someone who always got asked “why are you frowning" this is a massive improvement for which I am thankful.
I’m also really thankful that I managed to have something to write this week.
Here’s wishing you a week of enjoying the perks of paying your own bills.
Chioma.