54 - Integrating the things
Because all the parts that make you you are important
I’ve always been one to dress up, regardless of the occasion. As a student, I had this Australian friend who would tease me by asking “where’s the party?” whenever I’d show up to class all dressed up. Till date I get comments about how I look nothing like a doctor and I always receive this compliment with a smile. Sometimes I want to be pedantic and ask “But what does/should a doctor look like” but even I notice how I sometimes tend to stick out like a brightly colored flag when amongst my colleagues, so I get what they mean.
We’ve been socialised to associate certain actions/appearances with certain types of behaviours and judge each other based on these arbitrary metrics. The fear of being judged in turn can sometimes cause us to hide parts of ourselves, the parts that we think do not fit the aesthetics and expectations of the world around us. The quirky, not so cool parts. The nerdy hobbies and interests. The ratchet ones too.
We all want the respect and admiration of our peers, so we don’t want to highlight any parts of us that might diminish that respect. However, keeping certain part of ourselves hidden away can cost us opportunities and experiences. We are more likely to attract our people when we show up as our full selves and so sharing that little hobby of yours with your colleagues at work might be how you make a new lifelong friend. Or someone in your social circle might notice you like baking and start to order pastries from you.
I listened to this episode of Dare to Lead this week that really got me thinking about how much we can gain when we choose not to compartmentalize ourselves. America Ferrera talks about her life as an actress/mother/activist and how she doesn’t see the need to separate these roles because they are all part of who she is and it resonated so much.
She shared a story about how she was considering giving up acting while she was studying because she was becoming increasingly concerned about humanitarian matters and felt that she should be doing something more substantial than acting to contribute to the world. She took her dilemma to one of her professors who then shared with her how one of his mentees had told him about a movie that changed her life and it just so happened to be the first movie America had starred in.
The things is, we are all made of different parts and all the different parts have their own impact and sometimes embracing all these parts can lead to an even larger impact. For example, great parenting skills at home can translate to being a supportive colleague at work, which may lead to more leadership positions. Or your brightly colored jumper and smile might be just the thing to distract a patient who is anxious about their surgery. You never know.
I truly believe showing up as your whole self can lead to magic, and I’m hoping that as I continue to show up as fully and brightly as I can, my personality and interests align seamlessly and magic happens. Amen.
This week I am reading
The Moth: This Is a True Story. I received this as part of a care package from a dear friend a couple of years ago and discovered it while unpacking recently. The Moth is a non-profit group that is trying to recapture the lost art of storytelling, helping storytellers hone their stories which are then performed to packed crowds at sold-out live events. The stories are all true life stories ranging from the mundane to the improbable and each one has a little bio of the storyteller at the end. My favorite thing about the book is that every story reminds me that humans are truly hard wired for connection and that there are so many people making the world better in their own big and little ways whose names we will never know. A great reminder that we can all make a difference in the world, starting exactly where we are.
I also read this article that had some insightful advice for writers.
This week I listened to
Many podcast episodes in fact but the one that really stuck was this episode of Dare to Lead, on Identity and Integrated Leadership with America Ferrera. I loved how passionate and excited she sounded about her work and her life. I especially liked how she answered one of the rapid fire questions that said “what is something people typically get wrong about you.” Her response was something along the lines of she doesn’t really concern herself with what people think of her. Powerful.
I also discovered an interesting new (to me) podcast called Therapy for Black Girls.
Funny story, I worked a night shift last night (Sunday) and at the morning handover one of my colleagues refused to believe I was on the night shift because “who still has their lipstick intact after a night shift.”
Me. I.
Anyway I made sure to share that the trick is to line the lips generously with a lip liner pencil prior to applying the lipstick. You’re welcome.
Here’s wishing you a week where you can exhale the expectations of others away and embrace all your parts.
Chioma