60 - Easing your way through the things
Be gentle with yourself because you deserve
It is that time of year when my nails are looking festive and I’ve mentally logged out for the rest of the year.
As part of my year wind down ritual, I like to review my progress over the past year. This past week, I dug up my Year Compass and interestingly, I did not manage to achieve all the things I had listed for this year.
Once upon a time, I would have been disappointed at myself for this, vowing to do better in the coming year but that is not the case this year.
My word for this year was “Ease”, and to be honest, there were many things that happened this year that were far from easy, but one of the ways I’m choosing to practice ease is to be less critical of and more gentle with myself and others. Myself especially. So these days, when I find myself falling short of some of the lofty expectations I’ve set for myself, I congratulate myself for trying, in the hopes that as long as I continue to try, I’ll get where I want to be eventually.
This might seem somewhat counter-intuitive, congratulating yourself when your goal hasn’t been achieved, but feeling disappointed with myself in the past did not make things go better.
Becoming more process oriented than goal focused has also helped with this shift. For example, I’ve not missed a single one of my #yogasundays this year. That’s 50 consecutive weeks of 45 minute yoga sessions and although a full split still eludes me, I can feel my feet touch the ground in downward dog, which wasn’t the case a year ago, so I know that my process is working, and as long as I keep doing what I’m doing, the splits will come.
“When you fall in love with the process rather than the product, you don’t have to wait to give yourself permission to be happy. You can be satisfied anytime your system is running.” - James Clear
Looking back on the year, I can identify the things that were beyond my control and this makes it easier to be gentle with myself about my shortcomings. I can also see the things I could have done differently, and hopefully adjust them going forward.
While there are many common things about the human experience, we all go through so many experiences that are unique to us and our current circumstances, some that we can’t even share. This helps me to remember that I am not in competition with anyone else and so the only person I compare myself to is past me, and by all metrics, I can say that I am doing amazing.
The plan for next year is to keep making promises to myself and keep trying to keep said promises.
“The goals we set aren't sacred oaths. Even if they take a while to happen, they are no less valid and the journey is unfolding exactly as it should.” ❤️✨ —
This week I listened to
An episode of Dare to Lead where Brene interviewed Guy Raz of the wildly successful podcast “How I built this” (which I have somehow never managed to listen to). I liked hearing him talk about the intention behind How I built this. He said (and I paraphrase) he wanted a platform for people who had built things to share their stories, especially the failures and mistakes because stories help us feel less alone and difficult things seem more achievable. I have now added his podcast to my “to listen” list.
If you’re looking for a planner for the coming year, I would highly recommend YearCompass. I used it for the first time last year and I really liked how simple it was to use, while still covering all the necessary bits.
I came across Storyworth earlier in the year and I thought it was a brilliant concept. It’s a subscription service that sends a weekly question/writing prompt to a recipient of your choice and at the end of the year, the stories are compiled into a memory book. I’m acutely aware of the fact that I will not have my parents around forever and I want to make the effort to connect with them more and this feels like a good place to start.
A gentle reminder to make the most of the time you have with your loved ones.
I wish I were in Lagos having the #dettydecember I deserve but instead I’m here dealing with snow and rail strikes. I have made my space into my own Christmas grotto and shall be spending most of the season indoors. Thankfully I have two of my best friends planning to visit for a few days so I have that to look forward to.
I hope your holiday plans are way more exciting. This is my last letter for the year and it is with great pleasure that I wish you the very best of this holiday season. Congratulations on making it this far.
Here’s wishing you a new year filled with endless possibilities.
P.s - My nails are currently an impractical length so the typos are bound to occur. Kindly overlook them.