66 - Be impeccable with the things
Pillars for building integrity
For most of my life, I have never paid much attention to politics, until recently. In the months leading up to the recently concluded Nigerian presidential elections, I noticed the growing wave of Nigerians denouncing the current government and clamouring for a change in the status quo.
The two main political parties fielded the expected candidates - a former Vice president on his 6th presidential bid and a known political godfather with an alleged criminal history. Then came an unexpected entrant - a businessman and former state governor, known for being frugal and speaking up against corruption.
I watched online, as people rallied for this newcomer. It was clear that the current administration had fallen out of favour with the people. The suffering in the country has increased exponentially under the current leadership and it felt like Nigerians were finally ready to try a different type of leader.
Unfortunately, the election process was marred by acts of violence and gross irregularities by the electoral commission. And after all, was said and done, the godfather with an alleged criminal past was announced as the president-elect.
I doubt that many people were shocked by this announcement. Many of us are used to the heartbreak that comes with being a Nigerian. Still, some of the reactions I have seen in the aftermath of the election have been quite disheartening. I have watched people who openly denounced the current administration suddenly switch sides, likely out of personal gain or interest. I’ve watched people who I consider respectable, inciting division along tribal lines, to justify voting in an incompetent administration. I’ve spent many days, wondering what would make people act like this and the obvious conclusion for me is a lack of values and integrity.
integrity - adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.
The question is, how does one start to build integrity? Although Nigeria is a very religious nation, we still rank very poorly on the integrity scale, so I doubt that religion is the answer. I recently came across a framework that has helped me with this question.
According to this framework developed by the Hendricks Institute, there are four pillars of integrity.
Healthy Responsibility
Emotional Literacy
Authentic Speaking and Resonant Listening
Impeccable Agreements
I’ve spent some time reflecting on these pillars and I’ll do my best to articulate my reflections.
Healthy responsibility i.e - taking responsibility for how you experience life. Our daily experience of the world is shaped and impacted by many factors. This is important to acknowledge, but it becomes a problem when we start to blame all our (negative) experiences on everything and everyone, without taking responsibility for our role in how things play out in our lives. The ability to step back, recognize and accept how your actions contributed to whatever situation you find yourself in, is a big step towards becoming the type of person that will stand up for the truth, even when it is not in your favour.
Authentic Speaking and Resonant Listening i.e - choosing to reveal rather than conceal.
There’s the saying “The truth shall set you free”, but it doesn’t erase the fact that saying the truth can be difficult. Sometimes the truth can be hurtful or even shameful, so saying it requires some strength. It can be as simple as giving feedback to a loved one or confessing to doing something wrong. However, the practice of saying the truth even when it is hard, is how you become someone who will take a stance, and stick to it, even when it’s not a popular one.
Impeccable Agreements i.e - doing the things you say you will do and not doing the things you say you will not do.
We all make agreements every day. As an employee, part of your agreement with your employer might be to resume your duties at a certain time. When you don’t make every possible effort to show up at the agreed time, you’re automatically in breach of your agreement. While this might seem very minor on the surface, I’m starting to realise that the saying “how you do one thing, is how you do everything” is true. Seemingly small habits tend to be carried over into every aspect of our lives. A little lateness here and there might lead to little lies to excuse the lateness which can spiral into more elaborate deception over time.
Of course, there will be many times when you have good reason to break an agreement, but part of being impeccable is recognizing such times and renegotiating your agreements. This might be a simple apology, without the need to lie, simply acknowledging your shortcomings and trying to make up for them.
The agreements we make with ourselves also count, probably even more because you have no one but yourself to account to. There’s no one to report yourself to when you don’t stop doing that thing you promised yourself you wouldn’t do anymore. When you cultivate the habit of holding yourself accountable over little things, you’re building the muscle required to be held accountable over bigger things. Even the Bible agrees.
He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much: and he that is unjust in the least is unjust also in much. Luke 16:10 King James Version
The path of integrity is not an easy one to walk, but the world would be a much better place if you could take people at their word, and not worry about them suddenly switching up on you for their selfish reasons.
The events of the past few weeks have shocked me to the point of quoting scripture. I will never be able to look at certain people the same way and I am both grateful and sad. I hope that we can all start to embody the change that we so desperately need so that our country becomes a place which we do not have to run from.
This week I read
A Spell of Good Things by Ayobami Adebayo. I loved her first book - Stay with me, so I put this one on my list even before it dropped. Books set in Nigeria will always have a special place in my heart. It was somewhat ironic, to read a story about the ruthlessness of Nigerian politicians while watching a similar story play out in real-time. Such a well-written story. I loved the fact that it was read by Nigerians as well. Heartbreaking but a great read.
This week I listened to
Episode #161 of The Knowledge podcast. I’d spent the past couple of weeks meditating on integrity, only to come across the latest episode of TKP where Shane talked to long-time executive coach - Jim Dethmer, about the pillars of integrity. Jim described integrity as wholeness and explained how the four pillars help in building integrity. I liked that the approach wasn’t a moral or religious one, but a more practical and actionable one. He articulated it much better than I managed, so I’d encourage you to listen if you can.
Today is the SECOND ANNIVERSARY OF MY NEWSLETTER!!!!!
Yes, all caps because I am excited. Super proud of myself for keeping the agreements I make with myself.
Here’s wishing you a week of being impeccable with your agreements, with yourself and with others.
Chioma.