71 - Happy money things
Non-financial tips on relating with money
A few weeks ago, I found myself in my local Tk Maxx, and as I was walking through the store with an almost empty basket, it occurred to me that thanks to the current cost of living crisis, retail therapy is no longer quite as therapeutic. I find myself screaming internally at the prices of most things and the speed at which my bank account gets depleted.
I’ve considered the usual options, including finding a side hustle and/or glucose guardian but there’s no room in my current life schedule for a side hustle, and glucose guardians appear to be in short supply so I am having to make peace with my current financial situation.
I came across a book I thought might be helpful - Happy Money: The Japanese Art of Making Peace with Your Money by Ken Honda. Like many self-help books, it had more unrealistic stories than actionable points, but it also had a few valuable nuggets which I kind of agree with and so I decided to share my own interpretation.
Try not to focus on how much you do or do not have. This one is a bit tricky, with my bank apps sending me reminders about my insufficient balance, but the author mentioned something that helped me think about this differently.
Money is something many of us don’t get to physically interact with daily. In many parts of the world, most transactions are now cashless. We swipe or tap to make payments. We keep our money in bank accounts and check in from time to time, but in our day-to-day lives, that money in the bank hardly plays a role. That money is probably changing hands many times over as we go on with our daily lives and we are none the wiser.
It can therefore be helpful to not think about the money too much, whether you think you have enough, or not. Instead, focus on the things in your daily life that are not affected by your money or lack thereof.
Find abundance in yourself and security in people, not money. Personally, I believe that money can provide a high level of security because money stops nonsense. At the same time though, money is such a fickle thing.
Businesses collapse, people get laid off and money situations can change at any time. I remember a friend of mine who had calculated the amount of money he needed to have to retire, and then the Naira started its downward spiral and now all his plans have had to change.
The right relationships and mindset, however, are more enduring. When you cultivate good relationships, you’re more likely to find help when you need it. When you build your character, integrity, discipline, work ethic, values and so on, you’re more likely to trust in your ability to survive if your money situation changes.
If on the other hand, your identity is tied to money because you spend most of your time chasing after it, you’re likely to suffer psychologically as well as financially if your finances take a bad turn.
Shifting from a mindset of scarcity to one of abundance. When you consider something to be scarce, you’re more likely to hold on to that thing and maybe even ascribe more value to it than it deserves. This used to be my relationship with money. I really liked the idea of seeing my money in my bank account. I believed in spending my money on the essentials and nothing more.
I think moving to a credit-based society and watching people who earn much less than I do live almost lavishly helped shift my mindset. I’m still a bargain hunter but I now allow myself to enjoy the fruits of my labour, knowing that as long as I am able to continue said labour, more fruits will appear at the end of the month.
Define your own values and happiness. Getting clear on what matters to you and makes you happy is important when it comes to managing money. For example, if you consider your time to be valuable, you would gladly spend your money outsourcing things that save you time. If your health is a top priority, you wouldn’t mind paying for regular health checks. If you like quirky sunglasses, then it makes sense not to leave the store without the nice leopard print ones you tried on.
On the other hand, if you’re not clear on the things you like, you’re at risk of living your life through the tastes and preferences of others and this can sometimes be a very expensive route. In this day and age of social media, it is so easy to be influenced by others to spend your money on things you don’t actually desire or even enjoy, just because it is in front of you.
Be honest. It is easy to get into trouble around your finances when you’re afraid to be honest. We sometimes find ourselves in situations that could have been avoided by having an honest conversation. Stories abound of people who have gotten themselves into debt just to keep up appearances, instead of admitting to their current financial capabilities.
I was having a conversation with a group of friends recently about one of those holidays that has never left the group chat. We all admitted that the ticket prices we had seen were higher than we could afford right now and we decided to adjust our travel plans accordingly. It also felt good to know that I wasn’t the only one feeling some financial strain.
Live in the present. One of my guiding life principles is that tomorrow is not promised and I apply this in my financial life as well. This is potentially reckless, but I don’t believe in depriving myself today on account of saving for a rainy day that may or may not come. While money may not equate to happiness, it can definitely buy you many happy experiences and that for me is the ultimate goal of having money, to fill my life with experiences that enrich and uplift and expand. Balance and moderation are key but putting off living because you are saving for the future is risky because ELKAFT.
Be grateful. In one of the stories in this book, a man needed some money and another man agreed to give him the money under the condition that he said “Arigato” - thank you in Japanese - 100,000 times ( or some equally ridiculous number). The man who needed the money agreed and by the time he had said the agreed number of Arigatos, he magically didn’t need the money anymore because he now had enough. Yah.
As unrealistic as the story is, I agree that there is great value in expressing gratitude. The author advises saying thank you when you receive money and even when it is going out. In practice, this might mean feeling grateful that you can afford something instead of being upset at having to part with your hard-earned money.
I do know that I’m much happier when I focus more on the things that I do have than the things that I do not have, and when I really think about it, I do have all that I need and for that, I am indeed grateful.
This week I read
The Perfumist of Paris: The Jaipur Trilogy, Book 3 by Alka Joshi. I’ve read the first two books in this series but this was the best one in my opinion. I love learning about different places and cultures through books and this series gave me that and more. For example, I had no idea that the courtesans of India were actual performing artists who the nobles sent their children to for lessons in etiquette and not just sex workers.
I also like when themes are explored properly yet subtly in a story and I think that is one of the things the author did with this series. I like how she explored feminism throughout the book, highlighting the strengths of all her female characters, even the not very likeable ones. I loved how vividly she described the scents and the emotions they inspired. She did such a good job of telling the story fully, such that you can read and enjoy this book without having read the first two. Thoroughly enjoyed this book.
This week I listened to
Episode #166 of The Knowledge Project. In this episode, Shane speaks to Kevin Kelly who co-founded Wired magazine. He’s now 71 years old and recently published a book titled Excellent Advice for Living: Wisdom I Wish I'd Known Earlier. They talked about some of the advice in his book and the conversation reminded me how much I love hearing from older people. My favourite piece of advice from the episode was:
“Before you are old, attend as many funerals as you can bear and listen. Nobody talks about the departed’s achievements. The only thing people will remember is what kind of person you were while you were achieving.”
I’ll definitely be reading his book.
I passed my exam!!! It took a lot not to type that in all caps. Hopefully the exclamation marks tell you how very excited I am. I’m relieved, excited, thankful, overjoyed, all the good feels. Succeding at things does feel good. I’m looking forward to unboxing the pair of white summer heels I bought myself as a congratulatory gift before I took the exam.
We are already in June and my birthday is in 3 months and I have nothing planned so I’m about to start greeting everybody and responding to everything with “Arigato” so that my money miracle can happen.
Here’s wishing you a week of enjoying the fruits of your labour because you deserve.
Congrats on passing your exam! I am mad at the term glucose guardian. loooooool. Is that what the kids are calling it now.