72 - Random ramblings about the things

Musings on life lately

The inspiration to start this newsletter came after I read the book Atomic Habits by James Clear a couple of years ago. I started by sharing how I had been applying most of the principles in the book which focused mainly on habits, their impact and application. I worried a little about boring my readers, and what would happen when I exhausted all my stories around habits. I didn’t and still do not have a content calendar or map, but I have enjoyed how organic my writing has been. I love being able to share my reflections on the things that are currently going on in my life and have somehow managed to keep this going for two years and counting.

This past week though, try as I might, I couldn’t decide on one thing to write about. After much deliberation, I reminded myself that I can choose to write whatever I like and so I have decided to share some random musings I’ve had lately.

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“It’s so easy to get caught in what others do or do not do for us — that we can overlook what OUR contribution is to the relationship. When we shift our focus from what am I receiving, to what am I giving? Our whole world opens up. Beautiful things happen when we water the people around us.”

Amber Lyon @modernmind_ | Instagram

This one gave me pause when I came across it on Instagram recently. It is much easier to see the faults of others than it is to see ours. Instead of pointing fingers, turning inward and reflecting on our own shortcomings can help improve the quality of our relationships. It is also annoying, and hard but can be quite fulfilling as well.

I like to think that the comfort and safety I feel in my friendships is the result of me giving the same to my friends. And my life is so much more beautiful as a result.

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“Stop being the one who always makes efforts. Relax and let the ship sink”.

@sheluvyarii | Twitter

I had to share this one next for the sake of balance. I’ve seen this shared a lot in the past few days and it resonated.

Nothing could have prepared me for the friendships I lost as a result of moving countries. It didn’t take long for me to realise that I had been carrying certain friendships on my head, by myself. Those friendships fizzled once I was no longer able to drive through a friends house/office or initiate catch up sessions. I started paying attention to the people who were not watering me back and stopped wasting my water. I decided instead to focus my energy on resources on friendships that felt mutually nourishing.

I’ve also learnt that it is okay to unhook myself from certain ships without actively trying to sink them. We can sail off in different directions while wishing each other well.

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“I’ve come to think that some people are meant to be in our lives for a certain length of time and not a moment more.”

― Alka Joshi, The Perfumist of Paris

This statement was made by the protagonist in this book about her best friend of many years who she was no longer friends with, due to said best friend having slept with her husband.

It brought to mind a recent friendship breakdown that came as a surprise and still stings occasionally. I had a moment this past week that reminded me how positively my life was influenced by that friendship and how the end of the friendship hasn’t minimised its impact.

I’m also glad that I no longer allow pettiness to keep me from enjoying memories of times that were good with people who I am no longer close with. I know now that the quality or impact of a relationship isn’t always directly proportional to its duration.

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“But I think it’s mainly because I was so involved with their daily lives: all those plays, all those practices, all those trips home from school. That’s a lot of conversations. It really accumulates over the years. I really got to know them. They’re my friends.”

This was part of a long caption on a HONY post. The subject was talking about things he did to prioritise his relationship with his children and it struck a chord.

I have an almost 2-year-old nephson now and I see how he visibly lights up when his mum walks into the room, how he will abandon all his toys and choose to use his mum as a jungle gym instead, how her attention is all the reward he needs. It just also happens that raising kids is a rather expensive venture and many parents understandably focus on making money, but.

As with every other relationship, spending time is important, and as the wise man above said, it really does accumulate over the years, whatever it is you choose to do, or not do.

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"Shoutout to me for giving myself the permission to live the life of my dreams and making it happen everyday”

Me.

I tweeted this randomly a couple of weeks ago. I had gone dancing after work on a Wednesday night. I took the train into the city, arrived at the dance venue, bought myself drinks and spent the rest of the night dancing with random men I picked or just dancing by myself, and as I was changing out of my dancing shoes in preparation to leave, it occurred to me that I am living the life of my dreams and the thought filled (and still fills) me with immense gratitude.

This week I listened to

An episode of Dare to Lead podcast. In this two-part episode, Brene talks to Lisa Lahey who is an expert in adult development and an experienced educator and executive coach. She co-authored a book titled Immunity to change and she live coached Brene using the framework she wrote about. This was coaching at its finest and reminded me that we will always have blind spots and having the right people to talk things through with is always helpful.

I quite enjoyed writing this one, I hope you enjoyed reading it as well.

Here’s wishing you a week of gratitude for the dreams you are currently living.

Chioma.