75 - Applying the things at work
A personal reflection on the past 2 years as a trainee doctor
This week marks the end of my second year of training and the beginning of my third and final year and as usual, I have some reflections on the past two years.
Time does slip by and also changes things
I can still remember the day I received the news that I’d been accepted into training and it doesn’t feel that long ago. I remember crying because the place I had been posted to was number 15 on my list. I was tempted to reject the offer because it wasn’t my preferred location and three years seemed like a long time. I am glad I didn’t though because cliche as it sounds, I feel like I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I’ve somehow managed to create a super convenient small-town life for myself over the past two years and have barely noticed the passage of time. I’m now even tempted to stay here when my training is over.
The friendlier you are, the luckier you get
I’m not the friendliest person. In fact, past me is always shocked when people refer to present me as friendly. Present me also really enjoys how well-received I am as a result of this friendliness. I’m able to navigate potentially hostile situations with more ease. People are more willing to offer help even before I ask. It is also nice to feel welcome and appreciated by colleagues. I announced my departure at work earlier today and there was a resounding chorus of “no” and “why” and “we’ll miss you”.
There’s little to no harm in trying
I specialize in talking myself out of things. I’m very quick to remind myself how I may not be qualified for certain opportunities and as a result, don’t put myself forward for things. Somehow, over the past two years, I’ve kinda sorta shaken that off. I’ve thrown my hat in the ring many times, and I am pleased to report that it does pay off. There’s an undeniable sting when it doesn’t, but when it does, the feeling of achievement trumps the stings. There’s no way to tell ahead of time if an application will get accepted, but the only way to find out is to try by actually submitting an application.
Balance is key
My first year of training was hectic. I was working 12-hour shifts, any and all days of the week. My life was dictated by a rota and this felt very restrictive. In my second year, I made the decision to go less than full-time, thereby working less hours (which ultimately means I get paid less and my training will be extended).
The impact this has had on my quality of life is unquantifiable. I am much better able to plan activities with my loved ones. I no longer wake up actively wishing myself illness because I know I only have to get through the first half of the week. I have time for my hobbies and the things that truly spark joy. I get to be a better doctor to my patients because I’m more relaxed and enthusiastic than frustrated and drained.
Prioritise your well being
Being a healthcare worker comes with a certain level of resilience. When it feels like you are responsible for people’s lives, you want to show up, even when you’re not feeling your best.
I remember being called to a cardiac arrest while working in a hospital. A colleague had collapsed in the toilet. He was declared dead after an unsuccessful resuscitation attempt. I kept thinking about the family he’d left at home to make his way to work that day. If he had kids, how he may not have seen them that morning because he probably had to leave early. If he had any warning symptoms at all but chose to ignore them and show up for work anyway.
I no longer feel any guilt about taking a sick day when I need one. Or requesting a later start time so I can make it to the gym before work. Or refusing to come into work when I’m called in due to staff shortages. There is always somebody else who can do my job but no one else who can be the daughter, sister, aunty, or friend that I am to my loved ones.
The past two years of training have exceeded all my expectations, and I really wanted to acknowledge that while also sharing the things that have helped make it so (plus what I originally meant to write refused to write itself).
I also acknowledge that most of this is not my making and I am immensely grateful to be this lucky and blessed.
This week I am reading
Games and Rituals by Katherine Heiny. This was suggested by a friend after I asked for book recommendations via Twitter. I’m usually somewhat sceptical about short stories/collections but I’m already in love with this one and I’m only about halfway in. The stories are tender and honest and so very human. I’m also a little jealous of how good the writing is.
This week I listened to
It still feels a little strange hearing my recorded voice but the conversation was enjoyable as always.
It is officially my birthday month and I still have zero plans but I am lowkey hoping and praying for a miracle that involves me getting on a plane. I’m also excited to be going into the “final year” of my training which is probably going to last up to two years thanks to my decision to work part-time but I have zero regrets. The weather hasn’t been very summer like but I still hope to make the best of it before the shorter days and longer nights resume.
Here’s wishing you a week of recognising and acknowledging the things that are going well in your life.
Chioma.