I started sharing my thoughts on leadership last week and I’ll be continuing this week.
Good leaders actively seek feedback
The concept of feedback is one that I’m still getting used to. When I worked in Nigeria, the thought of making suggestions to my employer was not one that occurred to me. Neither did the thought of asking for feedback about myself.
Since I started working in this country, I have had to collect feedback from my colleagues every year and to be honest, it has been a humbling experience. Some responses make me want to fight while some are really heartwarming but all have been enlightening.
As human beings, we tend to assume that others perceive us as we perceive ourselves, but this is hardly the case. Our actions, even when well-intentioned do not always translate in the way that we expect and the only way to understand our impact is by asking those around us. The actions of a leader impact more people and can have far-reaching consequences, therefore it is even more important for people in leadership positions to learn about themselves from the people around them.
This is one of the reasons why egotistic people do not make for good leaders. There is a level of humility required to actively seek feedback from people who do not have your level of experience and this is one reason why many parents do not think to ask for or take their children’s opinions, even when offered.
Good leaders show empathy
empathy - putting yourself in the other person’s frame of mind and understanding the world from their perspective, feeling the world the way they feel the world.
Empathy is one of those words that gets used a lot but can be quite difficult to practice. A few days ago, I went to a pumpkin farm with my sister and nephson. It was quite busy with lots of families in attendance. I noticed he was clinging to his mum more and wouldn’t let me pick him up as usual and everything seemed to be upsetting him. I’m sure my sister could tell I was starting to lose my patience when she stopped to explain that he was probably overwhelmed to be in such a big space with so many people and so much going on, and it made so much sense.
It is much easier to judge people or events based on how we would respond. When we truly put ourselves in another person’s shoes, it is much easier to understand their motivations and this is important in order to lead people successfully. When you consider a person’s unique circumstances, it is easier to make accommodations that might help them perform better or understand why they make certain choices.
Good leaders lead by example
Actions speak louder than words. Showing is better than telling. You’re more likely to get people to do what you want them to do if you’re doing it yourself. People are more likely to do as you do than they are to do what you say.
If you’re trying to raise a child to be polite, you’re more likely to succeed if they see you practice what you preach. Likewise, if you’re constantly hunched over your phone, your child might not understand why you try to limit their screen time.
There are so many other qualities that make a good leader and they are all the qualities that you would find in some of the people whose presence is enough to make you feel good. I imagine that the world would be a much happier place if we could all be that person for each other.
We may not all be born with the qualities and temperament required to lead, but with time and effort, we can become the leaders and parents we wish for and need to be.
This week I read
The Perfect Nanny by Leila Slimani. I found this one sitting on the shelf in the virtual library I share with my friend and decided to read it as well. It is the story of a young family and the nanny who they thought was an angel from heaven until she became their worst nightmare. It is set in Paris and was originally written in French. It has some heavy themes including race, class, motherhood and everything in between. It’s the type of book you don’t want to put down because you want to know exactly what happened and why but are still left with many questions at the end.
This week I listened to
Confession. I don’t usually listen to episodes after they’re published but I’ve listened to this one twice. My favourite thing about this podcast is the opportunity to catch up with my girls but getting to share our conversations is a nice bonus. This episode is such a perfect example of how special our group chat is. One minute we are dispensing wise counsel and the next we are lamenting about the ghetto that is dating. If you do listen, please let me know what you think.
Episode #142 of TKP. Shane talks to Marshall Goldsmith about The Essentials of Leadership. Marshall is an executive coach who has worked with some of the best CEOs in the world and he did not hesitate to name-drop everyone every single one of them. I loved how real he was on this episode. He shared so many valuable nuggets from his over 70 years of living and a long career of working with people in leadership positions. His answer to the “What does success mean to you” question is one of my favourites so far.
Alignment between your higher aspirations in life, what you’re trying to achieve and your enjoyment of the process of life itself regardless of the outcomes.
The days are getting shorter and my mood dips with the drop in temperature so things are a bit struggly at the minute. This took longer than usual to write but I really want to get back to my regular writing schedule so here I am.
Here’s wishing you a week of being the leader you need(ed).
Chioma.