92 - Doing happy things
Big and small things that have made me a happier person
It occurred to me a few days ago that I am back to loving (my) life. My sister recently referred to me as “half full Chioma” and it made me smile because a few years ago, I don’t think anyone would have said that about me. Truth is, I used to be quite miserable, so much so that my best friend would lovingly introduce me as a “witch”.
This has changed gradually over the past few years as I have become a generally more happy and positive person. I came across a recent Huffington Post article that was a list of small things that have made people drastically happier. It had me thinking about the many big and small changes I have made over the years that have possibly led to this happier version of myself.
So in no particular order, here are some of my things.
Putting myself first. As selfish as this one sounds, it is quite possibly the most important hurdle on the path to happiness for me. Putting myself first looks like caring less about what other people think and more about how I feel and it has made a massive difference to how I approach my life every day. Sometimes it is as simple as my outfit choice and sometimes as serious as removing myself from relationships that no longer serve me. Putting myself first also looks like validating my own feelings and not waiting for the validation of others. It is giving myself permission to live the life I want for myself and not the one expected of me. It definitely hasn’t been easy and I am not always successful at this, but the resulting happiness has been well worth it.
Hobbies. Things I do for no other reason than the fact that they give me pleasure. I started salsa dancing about 8 years ago and for a few years, I had a standing Thursday night appointment on the dancefloor. Then it was boxing and I would train every weekend. During the pandemic, I started crocheting and also taught myself to ride a bicycle. A few years ago I added pole fitness and only last year I picked up sewing.
My hobbies make me happy for many reasons. First, these are things I am doing for myself, simply because I enjoy them. I have no particular goal in mind and only get so much time to do them so every move/stitch/pose is a big win for me. My hobbies also give me happy things to regularly look forward to so instead of waiting till I can plan a nice holiday to keep me going, every week I have an exciting date with one of my hobbies to look forward to.
Finding my tribe. Relationships are a vital part of the human experience and the right relationships can make life so much happier. Being my most authentic self has helped me find like-minded people to do life with.
Practicing gratitude. A few years ago, my friend Toru shared a picture of her gratitude jar. She would write a little note whenever something good happened, put it in a jar and then go through it at the end of the year. I liked the idea so much that I decided to start doing something similar.
I now start my daily journal entry with something I am grateful for. So no matter how horrid I felt about the day, I have to think of one thing about the day that I am grateful for. This simple practice has helped me to focus more on the positives in my life. Putting more focus on the positives sometimes makes the negatives less significant and the net result is less sadness.
Getting therapy. I can still remember my first therapy session 5 years ago. I cried for almost the entire duration of the session. It was also the first time I was able to articulate some of the things I had previously spent many years trying to repress. Subsequently, I was able to work out a lot of the issues that had been bubbling under and keeping me miserable.
Learning to adapt. I used to be very rigid in my thinking. I had certain fixed expectations of how I wanted things to turn out or people to behave towards me and any deviation from my expectations would cause me pain, torment and torture. I have since learnt that life is full of surprises and things/people will not always turn out how you want them to and that is okay. I no longer get as stressed as I used to about certain things. Instead, I try to find ways to make limoncello out of any lemons that get thrown at me and I am much happier as a result.
Moving my body. I do not have the statistics to back this up and I can not explain the science properly, but I know from personal experience that moving my body makes me happier. Whether it’s twerking in the club or leg day at the gym, being engaged in physical activity makes me happy.
Locing my hair. This one is a little random but I had to share. The decision to loc my hair is probably one of the best decisions I have made in my life to date. This single decision has freed up so much of my time and money. My hair looks healthy and I have so much fun with it.
Building better habits. Becoming more disciplined and consistent. I wouldn’t be Chioma Clear if I didn’t slide this in. The past few years of focusing on my habits have reduced a lot of the anxiety I used to have about how my life would turn out. Maintaining consistency and building better habits has shown me that nothing is impossible, I just have to want it badly enough and put in the required effort. This for me is such a reassuring thought. I approach life with less dread and I’m able to focus on being happy in the present while looking forward to my future with excitement. Big win.
Phrases like “Happiness is a choice” used to make me roll my eyes, but reading through the things I have just written, I think I can now agree. Life is not designed to be smooth sailing and there will always be less-than-ideal situations, still, with enough intention and effort, happiness is possible.
Recently I read
Counterfeit by Kristin Chen. This was the book of the month for May on the @happnoisemaker book club. As a supporter of women’s wrongs, I would give the story a thumbs up. I did feel it was very basic writing and the characters felt underdeveloped.
Recently I listened to
A friend of mine shared a podcast she was listening to on her Instagram stories and the name - Death, Sex and Money - caught my eye so I had to check it out. First off, such a brilliant name for a podcast, three important things that do not get talked about enough (in my opinion). I started with a series of episodes on Mental Health from last year. The episode on Teen’s Mental Health echoed some of my thoughts on the subject. The Doctor being interviewed said that big emotions are a feature of teenage years and not a bug and should therefore be treated and such and that is something I might actually start sharing with the parents who approach me seeking unnecessary diagnosis and medication for their children.
Super proud of myself for getting this done. I did not realise it would be this hard to get back into writing here after only a few weeks away.
Life feels pretty good at the moment. I am doing my best to soak in all the good that there is and remind myself that as long as I continue doing the things, I will be just fine.
Here’s wishing you a week of happy choices.
Chioma.