Wallowing in the things
Because it's okay to be sad about things not going well
The past few weeks have been pretty hectic, with this past week in particular being especially chaotic. From my work life to my personal life, things have not been going as planned and I’ve found myself feeling very overwhelmed, maybe even despondent.
Once upon a time, I’d have felt bad for feeling like this. This might be as a result of my position as a first child and having a type A personality. I’m used to planning and organizing and having contingency plans for my back up plans. And then beating myself up when things don’t go according to my well laid out plans.
These days I’m learning first hand that things will not always go according to plan, no matter how much planning you do, and beating yourself up about these things will only add to your suffering. So now I’ve given myself the space and permission to wallow.
Wallowing is one of those things that seems very unproductive and lazy but I think everyone needs to allow themselves space to wallow sometimes.
Life can be difficult and unfair for no reason and constantly looking for the silver lining can be exhausting. Sometimes there’s no silver lining and the thing that you’re going through for the fifty-elevnth time isn’t really going to add anymore building blocks to your already suffering character. And while you recognize that hardship is just a part of life sometimes, it’s also okay to admit that it sucks and allow yourself to feel all the sucky feelings.
I’ve allowed myself all the tears and lamentations. Instead of focusing on things beyond my control, I’m prioritising sleep and rest and me time. I’m not beating myself up for falling behind on my tasks or missing workouts or not responding to calls and messages in a timely fashion. I’m just putting one foot in front of the other and doing the much I can.
I know it is only for a time and this too shall pass and life is about the journey and not the destination and yaddi yaddi yadda but for now, I’m not okay and that’s okay too.
This week I read
Honey & Spice by Bolu Babalola - This book has been on my list since I first heard of it’s existence and it did not disappoint. I love me a good romance novel and this book delivered. I listened to the audiobook and was excited that the person who read it was a Nigerian who could actually pronounce Nigerian words. The flow from a black British accent to a Lagos accent was very well done. Reading books with characters that look and sound like me will always excite me. I’m glad that Nigerian authored books are becoming more mainstream.
This week I listened to
Another episode of the Dare to lead podcast. This episode was a very emotional one with Dr Maya Shankar who is a cognitive scientist and a podcast creator. She shared some inspiring stories about handling life changes with courage and uncertainty, including dealing with multiple pregnancy losses. I love how Brene encourages vulnerability on her show and this was definitely one of the more vulnerable episodes.
It’s my birthday in a few days. 2 more sleeps till I turn thirty six. I managed to sort out a birthday photoshoot in the midst of the chaos because important things will always be important. I can’t wait to see my pictures because I know I looked amazing. I’m still accepting gifts so feel free to pick something off my wishlist.
Here’s giving you permission to wallow a little this week if you feel like it.
Chioma.